Seven Years Later...

Seven years ago today, Marcus and I were standing in the auditorium of the Downtown Church in Searcy, Arkansas, speaking our vows to each other. These past seven years have had their ups and downs, but I can honestly say that this has been the best year we've ever had. We understand each other more, enjoy each other more and work better together than ever before. A bit of that is due to a book study we've been doing with our church small group using a book entitled Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs. While the book has its logistical and stylistic weaknesses, it has been effective in highlighting some principles that are overlooked in other marriage books. One of these principles is that a man needs to feel respected by his wife even more than he needs to feel loved. So I've decided to spend my anniversary "eve" writing out ten reasons that I respect my husband.

1. I respect his patience, both with me and the boys. Many things that frustrate me do not frustrate him. I try very hard to fulfill all of the expectations that I think he has, but when I fall short, he is not critical or angry with me. Some nights dinner isn't even started when he gets home from work, and he just cheerfully plays with the boys while I get to work on it. When I am grouchy or discouraged, he is patient, waiting without judgment for me to get on top of my emotions.

2. I respect his "worldly wisdom," for lack of a better term. I tend to believe everyone and trust that other people are basically good-hearted. He is more reserved and skeptical with his trust, and that enables him to protect and guide us wisely. At the same time, he is insulating the kids and me from the uglier things in the world. I'm glad that he has a wider breadth of knowledge about what people are capable of when he is making decisions, and I'm also glad that he allows me to maintain my more trusting perspective.

3. I respect his willingness to self-analyze and hear truth. Marcus is not one of those people who refuses to take a hard look at his own flaws. When someone speaks to him or something happens to highlight an area of weakness, he spends time reflecting on it and making efforts to change. He is not easily offended; in fact he tells me often that he appreciates me speaking up when I see something in him that needs to change.

4. I respect Marcus because he is passionate about our Lord. Nothing gets him animated like dreaming up a new ministry idea or discussing a spiritual matter. He is my "Ecclesiastes Man", because his emotions are right in line with Solomon. Very few things "under the sun" excite him: not money, power, new things, etc. He can take or leave that stuff, because his treasures are in heaven. Long before I really felt this way, Marcus reminded me that death is a victory, not a tragedy, because death is how God releases his children from the burdens of the world.

5. I respect Marcus for prioritizing our relationship. Sometimes, he will put a relationship issue that we've recently discussed onto his little daily chart that is taped up in the bathroom. It might say "Pray with Rachel" or "Don't use sarcasm or mockery"with a row of little boxes beside it to check off each day. He always has a bunch of other things on the chart, too, like studying, working out, reading his Bible, etc. but I love it that improving our relationship makes the chart. In addition, he is willing to read relationship books on occasion (at my request, of course) and he is willing to talk about our relationship at length, regularly striving to understand my perspective.

6. I respect Marcus for his willingness to be vulnerable. He shares his heart with me on a regular basis, both positive and negative things. I rarely feel like I am bumping up against a brick wall when trying to find out what is bothering him. He may not realize at first why he is on edge, but when I bring it to his attention, he's willing to think about it until he figures it out. Also in the area of vulnerability, I respect his willingness to put himself out there and make friends. I think this gets tougher with each move, but he has not diminished his efforts. We see the Lord's blessing on him for this here in Birmingham as he is making some of the best friends he has had since college at Harding.

7. I think this often gets overlooked, but I want to make sure and express how much I respect Marcus's sense of responsibility. He has plugged through this long medical track without faltering. Some guys have breakdowns under the pressure of becoming a doctor, and others just throw in the towel and quit. I am so grateful that I NEVER have to wonder if Marcus is going to get up and go to work today. I never have to be concerned that he is going to blow his top with his boss and get fired. And I he has such a well-developed internal stress-temperature gauge, that I never worry that he is going to completely burn out and shut down.

8. I respect Marcus because he is an amazing father. I've said this on here before, but it never ceases to impress me so I'll say it again: when he is with the boys, he is 100% present. His mind, body and heart are all engaged in their play, and it is so beautiful for me to watch. (My father didn't really play with us when we were little, so seeing Marcus enter into their world is absolutely wonderful to me.) He is also a committed disciplinarian. He doesn't discipline instinctively like I do, but he tries hard to be consistent, and he certainly sees the importance of teaching the kids good behavior 24/7. He is great about taking advantage of the teachable moments to help the boys' see other people's perspectives. We talk frequently about how we are trying to direct our kids's characters, and what adjustments we need to make based on what we are seeing in them at the time.

9. I respect Marcus because he is considerate. Even though he accepts the responsibility as the final decision-maker in areas that we don't see eye-to-eye, he ALWAYS listens to my input, and is usually willing to talk about it for several days and weeks before he "makes the call." He never makes decisions that effect the family without getting my input first. He sees everything from taking on an extra responsibility at work to choosing his medical specialty as decisions that we make together. I really, really appreciate how he considerately solicits my perspective.

10. I respect Marcus for his integrity. This is one of the reasons I first fell in love with him: Marcus is an honorable man. Once he believes something is the right thing to do, he will do it, regardless of the cost. He is honest almost to a fault. He will tell me the truth even its ugly. There have been times in the past that I have asked him direct questions, and he knew that the answers were really going to upset me, and he still answered honestly. His honesty has consistently gotten him in trouble with those closest to him, because he hasn't always had the most tact, but I'd rather tend toward tactless truth than a lifetime of people-pleasing lies.

Marcus is quite a man, and I am humbled by how much he loves me. He is so gifted, knowledgeable and Godly. I thank God today for bringing us together, sustaining us through the storms, refining us in our weaknesses, and blessing us so abundantly through each other.