Surf Trip

I know Marcus went on this trip almost a month ago, but I just got ahold of the pictures a few days ago, so here is the post :)

Every year that we've been married (except for maybe the years each of our kids were born), Marcus has added a notch or two to his "I've been to 20-million foreign countries belt." (When we got married, we were close to tied, but I haven't left the country since 2003, so I am WAY behind now.) This year, Marcus's international trip was to El Salvador with his dad and brother. They spent a week enjoying the sun and the surf in La Libertad, El Salvador. The trip started out a little rocky, since they were actually deboarded from their flight in Miami when it was canceled for maintenance reasons. Thankfully, Mike had purchased travel insurance, so they were able to stay in a nice hotel and enjoy an evening in Miami without any extra expense. They flew to El Salvador without delay the next morning, only to be joined by their luggage and surf boards four days later.

In spite of the travel hassles, they all had a wonderful time together: talking, surfing, eating & sleeping in. I am very happy that Marcus came home relaxed, refreshed and even a little bit tanned :) He works very hard all year long, and this trip is the one week out of the year that he can really relax for days on end. Then again, it would be hard to do anything but relax in such a beautiful environment. Enjoy the pictures :)

The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe

I have always really enjoyed reading, and so there are always grown-up books laying around the house. Caleb and Ethan frequently pick up one of my books and ask me to read it to them, so I explain that there are no pictures and it is a story for grown-ups. The other day, Marcus was reading Total Truth, one of his favorites, and Caleb asked him to read it out loud. So he did, for a few minutes. Caleb listened so well that I thought it might be time to break out a chapter book for him, so I went upstairs and got The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

I'm not sure how old I was when my mom started reading The Chronicles of Narnia to me, but I'm pretty sure I was older than four. I was very surprised when Caleb (and Ethan) sat and listened to a whole chapter of the story. Since that day last week, we have read five more chapters together, and the boys (especially Caleb) are really into it. Ethan goes around fighting (invisible) white witches and saying "The Lion...The Witch...The War-dobe" in a sing-song voice. Caleb likes to pretend that he is the trouble-making Edmund in the story, and Marcus and I are assigned various parts, according to the game at hand. It is very fun to have them so excited about one of my very favorite stories from childhood.

Mr. Fix-It Is Back

So here's an update on all the broken things, now that Marcus has been home from his surf trip for a week and a half.

The Bad :(

The master shower still has a leaking shower pan and it still looks like $4K to replace the pan and retile the shower, so we are continuing to use the kids' shower. We put in a claim with our homeowners insurance a few days ago, but they responded that only water damage caused by the leak is covered. If there is any water damage, we don't know about it, and it was not included in the preliminary $4K estimates. So it looks like we are going to be a one-shower family for quite a while.

The mortgage payment is still $75 more than before (because of escrow), although Marcus did valiantly pour over the paper work in an effort to alter that fact.

The AC is still not getting the house any cooler than 80 degrees from noon until around dinner, but we think it is probably just the unit getting old and having trouble cooling the house during the hottest hours of the day. Not eager for another very expensive diagnosis, the kids and I are just sweating it out for now :)

The Good :)

AT&T came and fixed the land line before Marcus got home from his trip.

We got back online with the new modem about four days after the original modem crashed.

Marcus called the company who made our Roku box and they sent us new one (since it was less than a year old). The new one, which happens to be an upgraded version with several new features, arrived in the mail a couple days ago, so we can once again watch movies on our TV :)

Best of all, it turns out that the Best Buy Geek Squad is as useless as Marcus thought they were, at least when it comes to video cameras. Marcus fiddled with the camera and diagnosed the problem. Then he ordered a simple part for $15 from Amazon (Best Buy wanted to charge $40 for the same part). He was right on the money, and now the camera will rewind properly and play back video again! It is good to have our electronics guru back in town :)

P.S. A few hours after I wrote the above, I pulled two dishes of cold food out of the oven, right at dinner time. They'd been in there for 40 minutes, but apparently the pilot had failed to ignite (even though the oven displayed a temperature of 400 degrees and the timer was going). We ate bread and steamed carrots (the only dish not in the oven) for dinner, and then Marcus spent the better part of the evening taking the oven apart and putting it back together. Thankfully, he accomplished in one evening a repair more complicated than the repair American Home Shield took more than two months to complete last year.

Now, if only all the other appliances and electronics could just hold themselves together for 23 more months...

4th of July, continued

To continue yesterday's story...

The friend I called very kindly invited us to join them for a carnival and fireworks show in downtown Homewood, about fifteen minutes from our house. She gave me directions and told me where to park, so I loaded the kids back up and got there at about 8:00 pm (I had called Marcus from the road to tell him where we were going.) I told the kids about the carnival rides on the way over (which turned out to be another mistake). When we arrived, the lines for the rides were much longer than they had been earlier in the evening. Once again, I silenced my inner voice and stepped into a ridiculously long line and began entertaining the boys while we waited. More than thirty minutes later, we were up next. Unfortunately, that is also the moment when the ride attendant announced that the fireworks were about to start and this would be the last ride. Bummer. We were standing with a group of good friends from church, and only one of the six children waiting were going to be allowed to ride. My friends were kind enough to let Caleb be the one to ride, since we had had such a long night. The smile on his face while he was flying around on those swings almost made it all worth it. (Almost, but not quite.) Two minutes later, he got off the ride and we all headed back to the chairs for the fireworks show.

Meanwhile, Marcus had driven back to the neighborhood to put a couple of signs up for the dog we had taken back to our house. Within ten minutes of the signs being up, a guy called Marcus's cell about the missing dog. Apparently, the guy had been driving around the neighborhood looking for the dog. Marcus gave him directions to our house and then headed back home to meet him there. The guy was a little weird, but definitely grateful to have his dog back. His name was actually Billy Bob. No, really, that was his name. And to make matters worse, the dog's name was Billy Bob, too. (We found out later from our friends that his dog gets out regularly and Billy Bob is frequently driving around looking for him.) After Billy Bob and Billy Bob left, Marcus tried to meet up with me and the boys, but things were too hectic at the carnival, so he just headed back home.

Anyway, back to us at the fireworks show. The fireworks themselves did not disappoint. That was actually the best 10 minutes of the evening. Caleb was mesmerized with the explosions of light, and I had enough food left in my bag to keep Ethan still for the duration. When it was over, another friend was kind enough to help me and the kids get back through the maze of cars and people to our car. Then we sat in stop-and-go traffic for 25-30 minutes before things finally started moving. I was almost home at 10:30 pm when my friend (the one whose house we'd gone to originally) called. She was so sweet and so very, very apologetic. She explained that she thought the 4th was going to be observed on Monday night instead of Sunday night (as it actually was in some places), so she thought we were coming over Monday night. We laughed and laughed about the misunderstanding, and then made plans to get together on Monday night instead. I pulled in the driveway with two sleeping boys at 10:45 pm, carried them up to their beds, and had two glasses of wine before retiring myself. This was certainly an unforgettable 4th of July :)

Some pics of our friends at the fireworks show.

Our Crazy 4th of July

Our 4th of July started off as planned...we went to church, had a very nice lunch at McAlister's with our small group, and then took the kids home for nap time. A little after five, we loaded up the kids and set out for our friends' house. When we got to their neighborhood, we were surprised to see a healthy-looking yellow lab, with a collar and a tag, jogging down the street. Since we are dog owners, and since our dogs' have gotten out a fair number of times, we decided to pull over and check the dogs tags. Unfortunately, the tag was just a rabies tag from a clinic in Panama City, Florida. I called the number on the tag, but, since it was 6 pm on a Sunday night (not to mention the 4th of July), there was no answer.

We spent the next 20 minutes calling the Humane Society, Animal Control, an animal hospital, and even the Hoover Police Department, all to no avail. (The police department at least had a very helpful automated message advising the caller to dial 911 in case of emergency.) Now, twenty minutes late, we drive into our friends' neighborhood with the dog in the back of our SUV. We've only been to this house once before, and it was in the dark, so we are a both a little unsure about exactly which house it is. I call my friend several times, but she doesn't hear the phone ringing (and therefore doesn't answer).

So we go with our best guess and knock on that door, but nobody is home. We try a couple more houses before someone comes to the door. The kind gentleman who lives there tells us that the house we had tried first was in fact the one we were looking for. So we head back to that house to try again. After about five minutes of ringing and knocking (and a little peeking in the window), we realize that there must have been a miscommunication, and that our friends are, in fact, not home.

So we get back in the car and begin a frustrated discussion of what to do with the dog. I want to let it go and see if it goes back home and Marcus wants us to take it back to our house until the owner can be located. While we are "discussing", the dog is panting and drooling all over the back of my car, and at one point it hacks up a hair ball. We are all frustrated and hungry, and I do NOT want the dog to puke in my car, so I acquiesce my side of the argument and we drive the 25 minutes back to our house, with the dog. By now, the kids have been in the car for an hour and a half, and they have not had the dinner or the fun I promised them, so that is what is foremost on my mind. Marcus wants to drive back to the other neighborhood and put up signs up about the dog, so he does that while I feed the kids.

This is really where the story should have ended, but, unfortunately, it didn't. There is something in me that never wants to give up trying to salvage something. In this case, it was celebrating the 4th of July with my kids. What I should have done is just given the kids a bowl of ice cream and let them watch a Disney movie. But, instead, I silenced the inner voice that told me to cut my losses and call it a day, and called a friend to see what she and her kids were doing for the 4th.

To be continued...

Billy Bob, the dog.

Paddle Board Adventure

One final story from our trip to Florida, and then I promise to move on to more current news :)

Marcus and the boys had a little adventure the morning that we went to the Sebastian Inlet Tide Pool that I think deserves a post of its own. Marc's dad met us there and brought one of his paddle boards along. Marcus took the paddle board out for a little spin, and then he let me go out on it. I have never been on a paddle board before, and I thought it was pretty fun. After I came back, Marcus decided to take Caleb out on the board. I was a little nervous, since Caleb did not have a life jacket and he and Marcus were going out into a pretty strong current, but I knew that Marcus is a superb swimmer and experienced life guard, so I held my tongue. They paddled around for a while, and then came back in to give Ethan a turn. I was even less excited about this, since Ethan couldn't even swim alone, but I handed him to Marcus and reached to take Caleb off. Marcus stopped me and said he was going to take them both out. I told him that I thought that was not a good idea and I would rather him just take one at a time. He still wanted to take them both, so I let it go, not wanting to embarrass him with an altercation in front of his dad.

As I watched them go, I bit my lip and prayed that neither boy would fall off the board and everyone would get back safely. Everything went smoothly for the first few minutes, but then I heard my father-in-law (who has the guts to deliberately touch jelly fish and surf amongst sharks), mutter "This is really not a good idea...really quite dangerous..." That was all I needed to hear, so I called out to Marcus and waved my arms toward shore. A moment after he glanced up, someone lost his balance, and all three were dumped off the board and into the water. I dove in and swam out toward them, but (since I am not a superb swimmer) I knew it would be a minute or two before I could get out that far. Marcus had told the boys beforehand that, if they fell in, Caleb was to swim to the board and hold on, and Marcus would go after Ethan. That is exactly how it played out. Caleb surfaced and grabbed the board, and Marcus scooped Ethan out of the water and put him back on the board. By the time I arrived, things were under control. (Other than Ethan repeating, "Daddy, don't ever, ever, ever, ever do dat again.") Marcus wanted to take them back out so they could end on a more positive note, but my nerves had had all they could take, so I vetoed that and we all headed back to shore. If I have anything to do with it, there will be no more boarding ventures into the ocean without life jackets for many years.

Time With Family

We arrived in Melbourne (Marcus's hometown) early Monday evening. Our whole trip to Florida was actually planned around being in town for Marcus's mother's 60th birthday. To add to the celebration, we decided to surprise Mimi about our family coming to town. We pulled up at her house, let the boys out of the car, and sent them to ring the door bell by themselves. Mimi was expecting her son-in-law, Josh, and it took her a minute to process that it was really her only two out-of-town grandchildren. When she recovered and realized it was really us, there was much laughing and catching up.

Mimi had a great birthday week, complete with lots of time with her five grandchildren, a home-cooked meal of lasagna, and the best birthday present ever: all the kids worked together to compile a book of photos from her childhood on, as well as letters from all of her children and close friends. Needless to say, she loved it :) And to top it all off, we took all the grandkids for a (semi) professional photo shoot, and now Mimi has a framed picture of her five grandbabies on the wall :)

Other highlights of a our time with family were a morning at the Sebastian inlet tide pool (which the kids LOVED), an afternoon at the Melbourne Zoo lagoon, an adults-only dinner at the Melting Pot (thanks to Mimi both for paying and babysitting!), lots of swimming (both in Mike's pool and Mimi's pool), late night talks at Mike's house, and (for Marcus & Mike), lots and lots of PS3 time :)

All in all, the kids had a great week. They handled all the chaos really well. Caleb made us proud many times with his willingness to share and his cooperative attitude. Ethan made us proud by not having a potty training relapse during the nine days of travel. Even though he's been potty-trained for months, we thought we might have to put him in Pull-ups this week because of all the time in the car and the constantly-changing environments, but he ended up doing great! We did have to make a lot more potty stops than we are used to on the road, but it was totally worth it to get through the whole trip with dry underwear :)

As for the trip home, I will spare you the details. Let's just suffice it to say that I'm glad we don't have another road trip on the calendar until Christmas :)

(Mimi hugging Marcus after our surprise arrival.)

Dinner Conversations

Here is a sampler of how dinner conversations tend to go around here:

Daddy (to Caleb): What did you do today, Caleb?
Caleb: Nothing.
Daddy: Nothing? Really? You just sat still and did nothing and saw nothing all day?
Caleb: (grinning) Yep!
Daddy: Well, Ethan, what did you do?
Ethan: Hmmm...I don't know!
Mommy: Well, we went swimming at John and Ava's pool, and we went to the store...
Ethan: And I got a COOKIE!
Mommy: Yes, you both got a cookie at Publix.
Caleb: May I be excused?
Mommy: You haven't eaten anything, Caleb.

Caleb: I don't like to eat dinner.

Mommy: Alright, but you know that if you don't eat your dinner, you don't get anything else to eat until morning.

Caleb: I know that, Mommy. Can I be excused?
Daddy: If you will tell me three things that you did or learned today, you can be excused.
Caleb: Hmmm... I went swimming at John and Ava's pool, I got a cookie at the store, and, hmmmm... I t'ink I watched a TV while Ethan was sleeping.
Mommy: Yes, you did.
Ethan: Me, too! Me, too! I watched a TV, too!
Mommy: Ethan you didn't watch TV today because you were sleeping.
Caleb: ETHAN, YOU ARE TELLING A LIE!!!
Ethan: NO I NOT! I JUST PRETENDING!!!
Daddy: Caleb, you can be excused now. Go down the play room, please.

And so it goes :)

Our Weekend

Every now and then, I like to chronicle our days/weekends, etc, just so I can remember what we were up to when I'm reading this in years hence :) So here is our weekend: Friday night, we had a nice dinner of salmon, green beans & homemade italian bread. The boys accommodated us by eating their dinner and then playing peacefully with their train set for a long time after dinner so we could talk. We had good intentions about watching our Netflix movie after we put the boys to bed, but I was just too beat from the week of VBS and I fell asleep around 9:00 pm.

Saturday morning, the boys were up at 6:00 am sharp, so I took them downstairs so Marcus could catch up on some of his sleep. When Marcus got up, I took the boys to the gym with me so he could get some stuff done at home. The boys and I got home around 11:30, and I made a double batch of waffles and fed them lunch while Marcus mowed the yard. After Marcus came in and showered, he was very frustrated to discover that our antenae wasn't picking up ABC, so he couldn't watch the US/England World Cup Match. It wasn't until about an hour into the game that he finally got it to come up on one of our computers. By then, it was 2:00 pm and time for the boys to nap. Unfortunately, I had waited too long to put them down, because Ethan fell asleep in my arms while I was blogging, and Caleb fell asleep on his floor during a time-out in his room :) During nap time, I caught up with some housework and blogging while Marcus watched the World Cup game on his computer. Just before Caleb woke at 3:30, Marcus headed out to meet a friend for some compound bow target practice. (They had been talking about doing this for a couple of months, and it finally worked out this weekend.)

The boys got up and I gave them baths and dressed them and myself for our evening outing: the end-of-the-year residents' party. Marcus called me around 5:00 (the time that the party started), and asked that I meet him just off the interstate so we could get to the party a little less late. We made it there around 5:30, and had a surprisingly enjoyable evening. I say surprisingly because we were going to the home of a childless couple, and that is usually more challenging than fun. But, thankfully, the host had kid-proofed his fenced back yard, and all five kids had a great time running around and playing imaginative games all evening. The only casualty of the evening was Ethan getting bitten up by mosquitoes...he has about ten bites on his legs. We didn't even realize there were any mosquitoes out there because neither the adults nor the other kids were getting bit. But as I've said before, if there is a mosquito anywhere around, it will find Ethan and bite him until it collapses.

Sunday, I was up early again with the boys, this time because I had to cook for the church potluck. Our church always has a combined service and a big potluck on the Sunday after VBS, with the intent of meeting some of the visitors whose kids came to VBS. It was nice having church a little later than usual (we typically go to first service) because we had time to get ready a little more leisurely. The church service went really well, and we were happy to see that Caleb was willing to go up on stage with the other kids and perform the songs they all learned during the week. He got pretty into the hand motions (more so than he had all week at VBS). In between songs, he called to Ethan who was sitting with us on the second row, and beckoned for Ethan to join him on stage. Ethan ran up there before we had time to dissuade him, and thankfully an adult on stage held his hand and kept him still through the rest of the performance.

We stayed for the potluck after church, and that went better than it usually does. The question is always: do we split up, one of us with the kids and the other in the food line, or do we go through the line together with the kids? There are downsides to both options (#1 can't carry enough plates, #2 the kids are difficult to control in line), but we took the kids through with us and were able to all eat together. We hung around church for a while chatting with friends and didn't get home until almost 1:00. The boys napped for a couple of hours, and before we knew it they were up. We cleaned up the play room together and then took them to the library to get some new books. We intended to also take them to the pet store to look at all the animals (a favorite outing for them). Unfortunately, the pet store was closed (everything around here seems to close around 6:00 pm on Sunday nights). We consoled the disappointed boys with the promise of watching a movie together when we got home, since they hadn't watched any TV all weekend. The boys picked Wall-E out of the line-up of options Marcus gave them. Marcus and I knew that Ethan would only watch the movie for about ten minutes (which turned out to be right on the money).

When Ethan got bored, I took him down to the play room and folded laundry and edited pictures on the computer while Marcus and Caleb watched the movie. After the movie, Marcus gave Caleb a little math lesson using the Chuck E. Cheese money that is still floating around our play room. Caleb really enjoys numbers, and he is getting better at basic adding. A good friend called me around 9:00, so Marcus put the boys down on his own while I caught up with her. Now it is about 10:00 pm on Sunday night, and I am ready to post this thing and go to bed :)

"How Do You Work This Thing?"

Most of you who know me pretty well know that I am not a techy person. I'm adequate in working with computers and computer programs, but other technology does not come naturally to me. I usually give up trying to make someone else's TV/DVD player work after the first try.

Despite my own technological shortcomings, Marcus and I gave my parents a hard time over Memorial Day weekend about their "new" combo DVD player. Apparently, when they upgraded to a flat screen TV and satellite service a couple of years ago, they learned how to use the remote to work the satellite channels, but couldn't figure out how to use it for the DVD player. Since my dad is the complete opposite of techy, they ended up letting their DVDs collect dust for over a year before enlisting my brother's help. Michael was in town for a visit, so he figured out how it worked and even wrote out the three steps needed to switch from satellite to the DVD player for my parents to refer to when he was gone. Despite his efforts, what he taught did not stick and my parents found themselves staring blankly at the remote once again.

While we were in town for Memorial Day weekend, I wanted to play a DVD for Caleb and Ethan, and was incredulous to hear that neither of them had any idea how to use their DVD player. My mom tracked down my brother's written instructions, but try as she might, she couldn't get it to work. Marcus was sleeping at the time, but when he woke up, it took him about two minutes to start The Jungle Book. Mom asked me to write down what he did, so I started to do so. While I was writing it out, I noticed the paper my brother had written on sitting out on a TV tray. I laughed out loud to see that he had written down the exact same words that I was writing for the steps. Clearly, written instruction was not the best way to assure that my parents could use their DVD player after we left. Instead, Marcus showed them how to do it and had them both practice a few times.

The reason I'm blogging about this today is that I spoke to my mom last night and she reported happily that both she and my dad know how to watch DVDs in their living room now! My dad has a large collection of his favorite old TV shows on DVD that he has not watched for more than two years, and he says he has really missed them. They are both very happy to be able to use their DVD player again :)

In case you think I'm making merciless fun of my poor parents, my mom thinks the whole thing is even funnier than I do, and she's the one who suggested I blog about it. And, no offense, Mom, but this saga has motivated me to try a little harder the next time I need to use an unfamiliar television :)

Bass Pro Shop Adventure

A couple of nights ago, a friend called Marcus and invited him and the boys for a play date at the Bass Pro Shop (where they optimistically believed that the four little boys would enjoy looking at guns and compound bows as much as they did). While they were gone, I took advantage of the couple of hours alone to tackle some cleaning and make a big stock-up trip to the grocery store. I got home from the store just in time to get dinner started before Marcus and the boys got home. Caleb rushed in the house first, with Marcus and a whiney Ethan right behind him. I turned away from my cooking to greet Caleb and ask if he had a good time, and this was the very first thing out of his mouth:

"Ethan got lost in the store, but I found him." I raised my eyebrows and looked at Marcus, more than a little eager to hear that story!

Apparently, Ethan had darted down an aisle away from Marcus and turned at the end. Marcus didn't follow immediately, assuming that Ethan would go around the corner and come back. When he didn't, and couldn't be seen in either direction at the end of the aisle, a high-energy search ensued. During the first minute, Tim's five-year-old son stopped a Bass Pro Shop employee and said, "Ethan is lost!" (Marcus had already spoken with another employee and had a Code Adam broadcast.) Soon everybody around was looking for a 2-year-old boy. Marcus was a little uncertain (i.e. evasive) as to how long the whole search took, but Caleb estimated it to be "about 30 minutes." (In a defensive counter of Caleb's exaggerated figure, Marcus said it was probably about 5 minutes.) Regardless of the actual amount of time, it was long enough to raise Marcus's ever-steady heart rate a few notches.

The search came to an end when Caleb pointed to a clothes rack about ten feet from Ethan's original departure point and said, "I think Ethan is hiding in there." Sure enough, Ethan was standing on the base of the circular clothes rack, even his feet invisible to the observer. He couldn't be seen until an employee moved the clothes to the side and he poked his head out. Marcus was looking elsewhere at the time, and was immensely relieved to hear an employee say that Ethan had been found. He immediately made his way back to Tim and all four boys. Ethan's pants were wet, so we think he probably wet himself and then ran off and hid because he didn't want to get in trouble.

Later on, Marcus asked Caleb what made him think that Ethan was in the clothes rack. He said something like, "I just thought that Ethan would like to hide in there." I guess he knows his brother pretty well :)

Daddy's Home :)

After more than three months of Daddy working around-the-clock, we have been enjoying a couple weeks of him being home a lot more. With only one exception, Marcus has been off work by 5:30 every night for the past two weeks. Even better, he's been free to enjoy family time both weekends, instead of having to study or prepare presentations. Work responsibilities will be picking back up again soon, but it has been great to have a couple of weeks of feeling like a "normal" family (assuming there is a such a thing :)

No Good Deed...

One of our best friends often repeats the saying "No good deed goes unpunished." The first time I heard him say that over a year ago, I thought it didn't make much sense. But, since then, I have noticed it's truth in situation after situation. It does seem that many attempts at kindness, both big and small, end up with some unforeseen negative result. I am not superstitious at all, but I am going to have to admit that, very often, this saying is right on.

Last week, I commented to Marcus that it would be nice if he mowed the front yard of the vacant house down the road from us. It is for sale, and the grass had grown so high that it was obscuring the real estate sign. So this weekend, after Marcus mowed our yard, he headed up the street and mowed theirs. Well, you guessed it...he ended up hitting a big rock under all that tall grass and breaking both the mower blade and the part that attaches it. The mower is very old, and we are having trouble locating a replacement part, so we are currently mowerless. And, yet again, no good deed goes unpunished :)

Another Weekend of Call

This whole second year of residency has been much tougher on Marcus work-wise (and subsequently, the boys and I) than the first year was. And this spring has been the most demanding of all. Marcus was assigned to a satellite cancer clinic for four months in the fall, which prevented him from taking turns covering call at the main hospital downtown, without letting him off the hook for the number of call weeks he has to cover in 12 months. So this spring and summer, he is on call every two or three weeks, instead of every five to six weeks like last year. On call weeks, he works later every night (until 8:00ish, usually), and usually has to go in some on the weekends. The irony of this is that one of the reasons Marcus was attracted to specializing in radiation oncology is that there are very few emergency needs for radiation therapy. The only one really is when someone has a tumor that is compressing the spinal cord, and therefore shrinking it immediately is imperative. Well, somehow, the fates have determined that Marcus is the spinal-cord-compression guy, and in 21 months of residency, he has had ELEVEN CORD COMPRESSIONS during his assigned call weeks. Two or three would be a more reasonable expectation, if even that many.

On top of all of the extra call, Marcus has been studying around the clock for over a month for the annual inservice exam he took Thursday of last week. In addition, he has a couple of research project deadlines for conferences coming up in the next couple of months, as well as a conference to attend in May. All of these extra responsibilities have left him with MUCH less free time than we had last year, and I've ended up feeling very much like a single parent for the first time since Ethan was born. (I did the single-parenting thing for most of Caleb's first year of life, while Marcus was a third-year med student, but it was much easier with just one child.)

This past Saturday morning, Marcus was paged for a cord compression at 5:30 am, left immediately for the hospital, and didn't get back home until eight hours later. And he was still taking calls through the rest of the afternoon regarding the same patient. Needless to say, most of our plans for the day (which was the first Saturday Marcus didn't have to study for over a month) went out the window. Though he was able to come home in time to play in the back yard with us for a little while. And since the boys nap-striked on Saturday, we put them to bed really early and spontaneously had a couple of friends over for dinner.

On the bright side, I would much rather it have worked out this way, with a harder second year, after we were already well-established here in Birmingham, than a super-tough first year. At least this year, the boys' and I had our routines in place, a long list of favorite places to go, and most importantly, friends to call on for play dates and chatting. And, of course, we are both hoping that things will slow down at work some once the residency year turns over in July.

My Woman (by Marcus)

In light of it being Rachel’s 30th B-Day today, I wanted to take the opportunity to be a guest blogger and express why I love this woman so much.

1. Father’s eyes. If any of you out there know the song “Father’s Eyes” by Amy Grant, then you know the woman Rachel is. Where as I have to work up the energy, she gets excited helping and leading others in God’s work. She is compassionate, always taking time to call or prepare meals for individuals or families facing a stressful event in life. She will not hesitate to let someone cry on her shoulder, and knows just what words to say. And she is humble, never wanting to claim credit for her deeds but always hoping that her actions simply reflect God’s love for others.

2. Wonderful mother. Rachel is everything I ever desired in a mother, and more. She was a gifted student and National Merit Scholar, but choose to take the hard road of being a stay-at-home mother. I have absolutely no doubt she could have been brilliant at any profession she put her mind to, but she shares my belief that there’s nothing more valuable in life than time spent with your children. She gracefully maneuvers the hardships in child-rearing making the entire experience look easy (and having spent a weekend or two on my own taking care of Ethan and Caleb I know it is no easy task). She is always organizing educational schedules, optimizing playdates and special outings, and making the best out of the unexpected. She loves my children dearly and would give her life for them without hesitation. I am a very lucky man to have such a caring wife.

3. Cooking. Yeah, so I’m a guy and I like to eat. No surprise. And the saying “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” fits me perfectly. While my mom made many efforts to cook for me and my siblings when we were younger, I never truly appreciated a home-cooked meal until Rachel came around. I still remember the first plate she made me as I packed to leave for Harding University for the summer (home made biscuits with mashed potato and seasoned chicken). The menu has certainly grown since that time (my favorite now is her lasagna or home-made pizza) and I delight in every little (or usually big) bite.

3. Virtuous wife. Yep, I’m talking about Proverbs 31. If there was ever a woman who knew how to stay busy caring for her home and family, it’s Rachel. Unlike myself who will always choose to sit and relax, Rachel is always on the go. Balancing the checkbook and paying bills, cleaning the house, washing laundry…..okay, those tasks can be described briefly but entail hours and hours of weekly toil. And she does it without complaining but rather with a cheerful heart. The extra effort she makes in her work is an excellent example of worshiping God though seemingly meaningless daily tasks. Her example often convicts me of the laziness I’m prone to and both inspires me to get off my rear end and makes me appreciate what a lucky man I am (wow, I’m saying that a lot aren’t I).

4. Laugh. Rachel has a laugh that is pure and sincere and makes happiness bubble up in me where I thought there was none. Her laugh fills up a room and is unique enough to help her friends find her on a train (she’ll have to tell you the story sometime). She’ll tell you she’s embarrassed of how loud it is, but I only wish my laugh could be so inviting. I see her laugh as a simple expression of the sweet girl that resides inside her…

5. Sweet, innocent girl. One of the biggest things that has always attracted me to Rachel is the pureness and innocence of her heart. Her parents did a great job sheltering her from the harsh world and all its vulgarities. Her heart is a representation of how things should be, how the world would be if not corrupted by sin. Sadly I’ve not always been her heart’s greatest protector, but I do my best now because seeing her gives me hope for how things will be when Jesus returns.

So now hopefully some of you have a notion of why I love my wife. She is a wonderful woman and I am blessed to be married to her. She makes me a better man. She is my best friend and I look forward to spending the next 30+ years walking by her side.

Marcus

My Hubby the Hero

So we had a little drama during the children's play practice at church on Wednesday night. A little girl named Chloe tripped and busted her forehead open, revealing a frightening amount of her skull. One of the teachers took her to the ladies room to try to stop the blood, but both teacher and child were very shaky. Marcus heard the initial shrieks of the girls' friends, and saw the blood trail to the bathroom, so he ventured into the ladies room to offer some help. He took frightened little Chloe from the teacher, checked out the damage, and then applied firm pressure for a long time, until the bleeding slowed/stopped. Marcus said Chloe was wimpering, but not really crying, so he asked her if she was hurting or mostly scared. "Mostly scared," she said. Chloe's mother joined the scene shortly, and phone calls were made to her Dad about which ER to go to, etc. Like most drama, it was over quickly and left lots of shaky mommies in it's wake.

I found out about the whole thing as I was taking my friend's baby from the ladies' class to the nursery. I ran into Kelly, the teacher who was initially doing Chloe's first aid. She was very flustered and blurted out to me "Rachel, your husband is a hero!" She realized from my confused look that I had no idea what had happened, so she quickly filled me in. I was very proud to be married to the guy who kept his cool and knew exactly what to do in the sight of so much blood. I am definitely NOT that person, so I am grateful to be married to someone who is.

Happy 30th Birthday!

This past weekend was Marcus's 30th birthday. Birthdays have always been a bigger deal in Marc's family than in mine, and Marcus particularly enjoys milking his "birthday boy" priviliges for all they are worth. He decided to be "birthday boy" (meaning he calls all the shots throughout the day) on Saturday instead of his actual birthday, which was Sunday. We had a low key day on Saturday...Marcus slept in late, then we took the kids Christmas shopping and went out to lunch. Then we came home, put the kids to sleep, and Marcus watched the Florida game while I made homemade lasagna for dinner (birthday boy's request). After dinner, Marcus went out to get a movie and play video games while I bathed the kids and put them to bed. He got home around 8:00 and we watched the movie he had picked out (it was G.I. Joe, and it was better than we expected it to be).

So when Sunday rolled around, Marcus thought his 30th birthday had already been celebrated. Little did he know that I had been planning a surprise party for him for over a month :) Marcus thought he was going to spend the afternoon helping our friend, Al Pollard, pick up a bunk bed for his 3-year-old boys from a house down in Pelham. Al picked up Marcus around 2:45 and they headed south of town. Al asked Marcus if he wanted to stop and play some video games, since it was his birthday and all. Marcus agreed, still not suspecting anything. They pulled up in front of the laser tag place where I and the other guys were waiting. Unfortunately, he spotted my just-washed-and-waxed car in the parking lot, so the surprise was busted a minute or so before he walked in, but at that point I didn't really care.

The six of us sang Happy Birthday and ate Dairy Queen Reese's Blizzard ice cream cake, and then played laser tag for two hours (five games). I'd never played before, and it was a TON of fun. I was very grateful to Aunt Wendi (who is in town job-hunting for a couple of weeks) for watching my boys so I could participate in the party. All-in-all, it was a big success, and definitely my favorite of the three surprise parties I've done for Marcus's birthdays. My only regret is that I forgot to take pictures!

On a final note, here are some words from the birthday boy, in the form of an email he sent to me and the guys who came:

Hey everyone,
Thanks for the great birthday surprise yesterday. I had a blast! Highlights of the afternoon/evening...

• being surprised by you guys at the Game Zone in Pelham (though next time Rachel will have to park her car somewhere other than right in front of the store :)
• ice cream cake (love it!)
• 2 hours of laser tag
• feeling like a kid again while racing around a fluorescent maze shooting people (Brad had my number though with 16 hits in just one game).
• John Mark fake writhing on the floor for ~1 min while Rachel and I continued to shoot him
• getting a group of 10-year-old girls (on my team) to chase down Al (on the other team)

Thanks guys for really making my birthday.

Marcus

Seven Years Later...

Seven years ago today, Marcus and I were standing in the auditorium of the Downtown Church in Searcy, Arkansas, speaking our vows to each other. These past seven years have had their ups and downs, but I can honestly say that this has been the best year we've ever had. We understand each other more, enjoy each other more and work better together than ever before. A bit of that is due to a book study we've been doing with our church small group using a book entitled Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs. While the book has its logistical and stylistic weaknesses, it has been effective in highlighting some principles that are overlooked in other marriage books. One of these principles is that a man needs to feel respected by his wife even more than he needs to feel loved. So I've decided to spend my anniversary "eve" writing out ten reasons that I respect my husband.

1. I respect his patience, both with me and the boys. Many things that frustrate me do not frustrate him. I try very hard to fulfill all of the expectations that I think he has, but when I fall short, he is not critical or angry with me. Some nights dinner isn't even started when he gets home from work, and he just cheerfully plays with the boys while I get to work on it. When I am grouchy or discouraged, he is patient, waiting without judgment for me to get on top of my emotions.

2. I respect his "worldly wisdom," for lack of a better term. I tend to believe everyone and trust that other people are basically good-hearted. He is more reserved and skeptical with his trust, and that enables him to protect and guide us wisely. At the same time, he is insulating the kids and me from the uglier things in the world. I'm glad that he has a wider breadth of knowledge about what people are capable of when he is making decisions, and I'm also glad that he allows me to maintain my more trusting perspective.

3. I respect his willingness to self-analyze and hear truth. Marcus is not one of those people who refuses to take a hard look at his own flaws. When someone speaks to him or something happens to highlight an area of weakness, he spends time reflecting on it and making efforts to change. He is not easily offended; in fact he tells me often that he appreciates me speaking up when I see something in him that needs to change.

4. I respect Marcus because he is passionate about our Lord. Nothing gets him animated like dreaming up a new ministry idea or discussing a spiritual matter. He is my "Ecclesiastes Man", because his emotions are right in line with Solomon. Very few things "under the sun" excite him: not money, power, new things, etc. He can take or leave that stuff, because his treasures are in heaven. Long before I really felt this way, Marcus reminded me that death is a victory, not a tragedy, because death is how God releases his children from the burdens of the world.

5. I respect Marcus for prioritizing our relationship. Sometimes, he will put a relationship issue that we've recently discussed onto his little daily chart that is taped up in the bathroom. It might say "Pray with Rachel" or "Don't use sarcasm or mockery"with a row of little boxes beside it to check off each day. He always has a bunch of other things on the chart, too, like studying, working out, reading his Bible, etc. but I love it that improving our relationship makes the chart. In addition, he is willing to read relationship books on occasion (at my request, of course) and he is willing to talk about our relationship at length, regularly striving to understand my perspective.

6. I respect Marcus for his willingness to be vulnerable. He shares his heart with me on a regular basis, both positive and negative things. I rarely feel like I am bumping up against a brick wall when trying to find out what is bothering him. He may not realize at first why he is on edge, but when I bring it to his attention, he's willing to think about it until he figures it out. Also in the area of vulnerability, I respect his willingness to put himself out there and make friends. I think this gets tougher with each move, but he has not diminished his efforts. We see the Lord's blessing on him for this here in Birmingham as he is making some of the best friends he has had since college at Harding.

7. I think this often gets overlooked, but I want to make sure and express how much I respect Marcus's sense of responsibility. He has plugged through this long medical track without faltering. Some guys have breakdowns under the pressure of becoming a doctor, and others just throw in the towel and quit. I am so grateful that I NEVER have to wonder if Marcus is going to get up and go to work today. I never have to be concerned that he is going to blow his top with his boss and get fired. And I he has such a well-developed internal stress-temperature gauge, that I never worry that he is going to completely burn out and shut down.

8. I respect Marcus because he is an amazing father. I've said this on here before, but it never ceases to impress me so I'll say it again: when he is with the boys, he is 100% present. His mind, body and heart are all engaged in their play, and it is so beautiful for me to watch. (My father didn't really play with us when we were little, so seeing Marcus enter into their world is absolutely wonderful to me.) He is also a committed disciplinarian. He doesn't discipline instinctively like I do, but he tries hard to be consistent, and he certainly sees the importance of teaching the kids good behavior 24/7. He is great about taking advantage of the teachable moments to help the boys' see other people's perspectives. We talk frequently about how we are trying to direct our kids's characters, and what adjustments we need to make based on what we are seeing in them at the time.

9. I respect Marcus because he is considerate. Even though he accepts the responsibility as the final decision-maker in areas that we don't see eye-to-eye, he ALWAYS listens to my input, and is usually willing to talk about it for several days and weeks before he "makes the call." He never makes decisions that effect the family without getting my input first. He sees everything from taking on an extra responsibility at work to choosing his medical specialty as decisions that we make together. I really, really appreciate how he considerately solicits my perspective.

10. I respect Marcus for his integrity. This is one of the reasons I first fell in love with him: Marcus is an honorable man. Once he believes something is the right thing to do, he will do it, regardless of the cost. He is honest almost to a fault. He will tell me the truth even its ugly. There have been times in the past that I have asked him direct questions, and he knew that the answers were really going to upset me, and he still answered honestly. His honesty has consistently gotten him in trouble with those closest to him, because he hasn't always had the most tact, but I'd rather tend toward tactless truth than a lifetime of people-pleasing lies.

Marcus is quite a man, and I am humbled by how much he loves me. He is so gifted, knowledgeable and Godly. I thank God today for bringing us together, sustaining us through the storms, refining us in our weaknesses, and blessing us so abundantly through each other.

Good one, Daddy!

Caleb has had a few days of pushing my limits. Part of it is because Marcus has been working so many hours the past few weeks, and the other part is just being a little boy. Anyway, I have been frustrated with his nonchalant disobedience, and have been running a little low on creative and effective consequences. We do spank Caleb, but on days like we've been having, spanking for every act of disobedience or unkindness would be excessive.

At the end of this particular day, Caleb had been sent to time out multiple times, spanked and even lost the privilege of an errand he wanted to go on. When Marcus got home around 7:30 pm, I was at my limit of disciplinary resources. Caleb was trying Marcus about something, and Marcus told him, "Caleb, if you do that again, I'm not going to let you pretend to be Peter Pan anymore until tomorrow." Caleb, the child who rarely even cries when spanked, BURST into tears. He can take a lot of abuse from other kids and his own brother before he is moved to tears, but he LOST IT when Daddy threatened to take away his favorite pretending game. Since October of last year, when he first watched the animated Disney movie Peter Pan, pretending to be Peter Pan has been a daily pasttime. (In case you're not doing the math, that's a full nine months of playing Peter Pan.) The funniest part of this consequence is Caleb's complete belief in our omnipotence. It didn't even occur to him that we can't keep him from pretending whatever he wants (though I'm sure that he will eventually figure that out). Well, Daddy the genius figured out how to hit Caleb right where it hurt, and we all reaped the benefits of his much-improved attitude.

Medical Residency

The past two weeks, Marcus has really been slammed at the hospital. He normally doesn't work Saturdays, but he was at work all day this Saturday, and will be again next week. In addition, a series of frustrating events has left him feeling very discouraged at work of late. So I've been mulling over the uniqueness of residency as a work environment, and here's what I've come up with:

(1) Residents endure frequent changes in job description. Radiation oncology residents rotate under different attendings (doctors who have completed residency and are employed at a teaching hospital) for periods of 4 months in length. Each attending specializes in a certain type of cancer. While a resident is working with that attending, he is expected to be an expert on that type of cancer. He will be responsible for planning and implementing treatment plans for patients on a daily basis, so his knowledge during those months must have a breadth and depth that enables him to do that well. The pressure is enormous to make no mistakes in word or deed. And then the rotation changes and the resident must adopt an entirely new area of expertise.

(2) Hand-in-hand with changing job descriptions goes multiple bosses. Expectations vary widely between the dozen or so "attendings", who are all direct superiors of each resident. One attending may spend an extensive amount of time with treatment planning. He wants all of the T's crossed this way and the I's dotted this way, and it is the residents job to carefully observe all of the preferences of this attending and then adjust his own habits accordingly. I remember this process very well from when I was working outside the home: know your boss, find out what he expects, and then do it well. But this process is exacerbated by the fact that a resident doesn't have just one boss. Any request made by any attending is a request made by a "boss", but as is easily imagined, these attendings are not communicating with each other about the volume of tasks that are laid on a particular resident, so there are times when residents are completely swamped with things to do. And sadly, nobody even realizes the extraordinary amount of effort being demanded from the resident.

(3) Another difficulty is the inequity between required qualifications to become a resident and the financial compensation that is provided during the years of residency. After completing eight years of fulltime education (undergrad & med school) and acquiring a license to practice medicine, a resident is paid about $11-$15 per hour (before taxes). Residents are paid a standard amount which is determined in the state in which they work, but the hourly amount varies based on how many hours are worked, usually between 60 and 80 per week. This amount is very low compared to the "hourly rate" of almost all other salaried professions. (One exception is some university professors, who are also underpaid for the education required.) But overall, the pressure, time and education requirements on a resident are not adequately compensated.

(4) Maybe the most difficult aspect of being a medical resident is the general lack of respect and appreciation due to the context of residency. A resident is often treated like someone who is hired from a temp agency. Everyone knows that residents are transient, so the general social deferences that are often afforded a longterm employee are often ignored by medical support staff. In addition, residents recieve regular "360-degree reviews." This means that every nurse, tech, therapist and dosimitrist who works with Marcus will regularly review his performance. So in a weird way, he is sort of subordinate to everyone he interacts with and has to be on his toes at all times. Keep in mind there is no recipricol review process for residents to evaluate the other employees. And there is little recourse for a resident to appeal an inaccurate evaluation (even if it was made by a lazy tech who actually got him confused with another doctor.) And on top of everything, a resident cannot (or at least very, very rarely) "quit" his job. So higher-ups need not be overly concerned about morale, though of course it looks bad for the department when a resident has a mental breakdown, so they do try to minimize those occurances.

All in all, residency takes a psychological toll that few people outside the system are aware of. Unfortunately, many doctors become very disillusioned in the process, and some go on to become active perpetuators of this good-old-boy system.