To School or Not To School

So, my blogging reticence of late has been due to the big question that has plagued me relentlessly for the past couple of weeks. As I've mentioned here before, we had planned all summer to send Caleb to a church preschool this fall. The class I wanted him to be in, which meets 3 days a week, was full, so we had him on the role for a class that meets 4 days a week. The closer we got to school starting, the more and more apprehensive and doubtful I was feeling. Being me, I made long lists of pros and cons for preschool vs. keeping him home, but I just couldn't make a decision.

What I most wanted to do was keep Caleb home this year and enjoy the last year (assuming I don't homeschool) for all three of us to be together all the time. Unfortunately, I live in Alabama, and there is tremendous social pressure to do things "THE WAY" (for you foreigners, this means "the way everybody else does things in Alabama"). I had moms looking at me like I was insane when Caleb wasn't in preschool at age 2, and now they look at me like I've grown horns if I mention the possibility of keeping him home at age 4.

Here are some of the favorite questions:

"How will he be ready for kindergarten?"

"How will he learn to line up with other kids and be a part of a group?"

"What about socialization?"

"How will you get anything done if you have your kids all the time?"

Although I think these are valid questions, and I have turned them all over in my mind ad nauseam, it does bother me that I get such a one-dimensional response from almost everyone I talk to. I wish there was a little more room in the culture here to do things a little differently without encountering so much resistance. Besides, Caleb did go to preschool two days a week last year, and I think he has a good handle on lining up now :)

Regardless of the self-doubt created by so many incredulous people, I finally decided that Caleb (and my housework) could survive another year without preschool. I am planning for us to do homeschooling activities 3-4 days a week, and then just go places and play the other days. I am really happy with this decision for a lot of reasons. I was dreading separating my two little buddies so that Caleb could go to school. They play so well together and love each other so much, I would hate for school to change that, especially a year earlier than necessary. I was also dreading having Caleb gone four mornings a week. If he continues to nap, that would mean that I could spend time with him before 9:00 am when we left for school and after 4:30 pm when he woke up from his nap. That's just a little bit more than Marcus gets to see him while working full time! The biggest reason that I feel very good about this choice is that there are so many more things I want to teach Caleb myself before I send him out into the "school" world. This is such an ideal time for learning, and I want more time for his good character traits to solidify and to work on more good habits and attitudes before he is bombarded with academics and competition and peer influences. There will be plenty of years in the future for all that.

So, for better or worse, we are going to be a homeschooling family this year. Below is the daily agenda I put together (modeled after a friend's who is using the same curriculum) for the days that we do school. I plan to start on Monday, August 30th, after the curriculum and other materials I have ordered come in. It seems like a lot, but the structured activities will only take 15-20 minutes each, in keeping with a preschool attention span. Plus, most of this stuff is pure fun for them anyway.

Breakfast--Practice weekdays, months, seasons, weather, address & phone numbers

Devotional--Recite Lord’s Prayer together and practice this week’s memory verse

Bible Reading--Mommy reads her Bible silently while boys look at picture Bibles

Exercise--Push-ups, abs, squats, stretch; kids participate as much as they can

Get Ready--Get dressed, brush teeth & hair, tidy room, make bed

Read--Read Five in a Row book and other books aloud

Cleaning Time--Mommy does chores for day while kids play (or help if they can)

"FIAR" Activity--Alternate subject lessons throughout week from Five in a Row

Table Time--Coloring, scissors & glue, handwriting, drawing practice, etc.

Spanish Time--Listen to Hear Say CD, look at pics and practice saying words

Games/Puzzles--Play board or card game or do a big puzzle together

Outings/Errands--Groceries, gym, outside, etc.

Lunch & Nap--Ethan & Mommy sleep…Caleb sleeps or has quiet time in his room

Phonics/Math--Alternate starfall.com reading practice & math workbook with Caleb

Writing & Numbers

Lately, Caleb and Ethan have both been really into writing their letters. We have these Kumon Write-and-Wipe dry erase cards that they can trace each letter on. Both boys seem to be right-handed. Caleb can write his name without tracing, but he still likes tracing the letters. Ethan absolutely loves it. I am amazed at his attention span. He writes all 26 letters five or six times a day. He traces all the cards, goes back through and erases each one, and then starts over again. He likes tracing his name on handwriting worksheets, too, and he is trying valiantly to write his name on his own without tracing, but he's not quite there yet.

Last night, Caleb finally understood how to recognize numbers higher than 20. He did a connect-the-dot picture with 60 dots, and while we were doing it together, he figured out the pattern. We have explained it to him before, but this time it clicked.

It is SO FUN to see them learn new things. Yesterday was one of those days that I really wanted to ditch the idea of school and teach the boys at home. I just wish there was some way to do half-and-half. Like half a day of school, in which all the subjects I don't like are taught, so I could teach everything I love at home :)

Summer is Flying By

I looked at my calendar just now, and nine of our fourteen weeks of summer are already over. I can't believe how quickly these weeks have flown by! In just five more weeks, Caleb will start attending prekindergarten four mornings a week at a local church (thanks to the generosity of his Nanna & Papa) .

Side note: even though my son is already registered and I fully intend to send him to preschool next month, I have to take a moment to make fun of the idea of "prekindergarten". When my grandparents were kids, kids started school at age 7. When my parents were kids, most kids started school in first grade at age 6. When I was a kid, almost everyone went to kindergarten at age 5. And, now, we've got this new thing called pre-kindergarten that 4-year-olds are expected to attend! Will my grandkids be learning how to sound out words & write their names before they are potty-trained?

Anyway, though I am very on-the-fence philosophically about preschool in general, I do think that this particular situation will be the best thing for Caleb. The only problem is, after nine weeks of summer, Caleb has gotten really used to being with me all the time again. And he is starting to exhibit some of the clinginess (to me) and disinterest in his peers that prompted me to enroll him in that 2-mornings-a-week program last fall. He told someone the other day that his favorite part of church was "when Mommy comes to pick me up from my class." Even though I haven't been away from him much at all this summer, he regularly asks me when we are driving somewhere whether or not I am going to stay with him or leave him there. Now, the positive side of this extra closeness is that he has been very considerate of me lately. The other day, I was sitting on the couch and he asked me if he could go get me a blanket because I looked cold. He's also started to imitate the way I talk to him, like this: "Mommy, can you get me a cup of juice? You don't have to if you don't want to, it is your choice, but it would make me happy if you would." Another one I've heard recently is: "Mommy, what movie are we going to watch for movie night tonight? I want to watch Aladdin, but if you want to watch the Ariel movie because it's your favorite, we can watch what you want." It is so sweet to hear him talk like that!

I'm sure the clinginess is just a phase, like everything else, but I hope he moves out of this phase before school starts, because it will be so difficult to send him if he doesn't want to go.

Toy Store

Borrowing an idea from Mimi, I decided to set up a little store in our play room. I bought a few new toys (BOGO) at Toys R Us, and taped price tags to each toy. (There are also a few belated birthday gifts which we received last week that also went into the store :)

To keep things simple, we are using Chuck E. Cheese coins for money. The number on each price tag is about twice the dollar value of the toy, making each Chuck E. Cheese coin worth about $0.50. I think it will be a great way to teach them (esp. Caleb) delayed gratification, basic math, saving vs. spending, and (my personal favorite) get some daily chores done sans whining. So far, I'm only letting them earn 1-2 coins each day. Caleb gets a coin in his jar for cleaning up the whole play room before bed time, and for completing all of his "school" work each day. If Ethan is interested when Caleb is working for a coin, I give him a different job to do so he can earn a coin, too. I don't really expect him to understand much about the store, but life would be unbearable if he wasn't allowed to do exactly what Caleb is doing :)

My one fear is that Caleb will start asking for coins every time he does something I ask him to do, which is why I'm capping it at 1-2 coins a day, and only for specific jobs. I'm actually not a big fan of paying kids for household chores. In general, I think kids should do their assigned chores because they live in the house and are part of the family, not for money. But I think there are enough good things to be learned from this little store thing that I'll suspend my ideals for the time being :)

One final note about the store's name: Ethan wanted to call it "Caleb & Ethan's Store" and Caleb wanted to call it "The Star Wars Store", hence the extra-long combination name.

Pictures From VBS

Preschool Games (with Mr. Al) Serving the World (with Miss Jenny)

Miss Alyssa's Crew (part of): William, Jackson & Addison
Caleb with his crew.

Miss Rachel's Crew: Lily (5), Laura (3), Ethan (3), Jack (5), Daniel (5)

Bible Story Time (with Miss Lora)
Miss Pam's Crew: Matthew, Tabitha, Mary Grace, John Paul, Ella & Seth

Caleb dancing with friends in the auditorium.

Ethan running from...well, anyone...in the auditorium.

VBS

The kids and I have been at Vacation Bible School at our church all week. I'm wondering about the origin of the title...is it supposed to be a vacation for the parents or for the kids? And, if so, at what point did that stop being true? Because it is definitely not a vacation for anybody now. I have always been a morning person, and my kids are early risers, but it is still tough to have us all dressed, fed, packed for the day, and out the door by 8:00 am every morning.

And the five hours we spend at the church each day, though definitely fun and educational, are also extremely draining. Just like last year, I am working as a crew leader. A crew leader takes the 5-6 preschoolers assigned to him/her and takes them through the different activities throughout the day. The challenge is this: maintaining cooperation and decent behavior from preschoolers (whose families you may or may not know), while doing your best to make sure they have a good time. (And you're also supposed to keep them from getting hurt or lost.) Despite the challenges, the kids are all having a really good time, and they are learning a little about the Bible to boot :) And as an added bonus, my kids are BEAT by the time we get in the car to go home. Caleb hasn't even attempted to skip a nap all week!

Thankfully, I learned from last year that the trick to a good VBS week is to go grocery shopping the Sunday night before and to have very low expectations for household maintenance during the week. Even with these adjustments, I am finding myself collapsing into bed shortly after the kids go to sleep each night, but at least I'm not waking up frustrated from all of the things that I couldn't get done the day before.

Preschool

I posted back in the fall about Caleb starting an MDO/preschool program. The school year came to a close last week, and now seems like a good time to do an overview of this experience. As you may remember from a much earlier post, I wasn't too sure about the whole MDO/preschool thing that was is so much a part of the culture here. We decided to try it because Caleb was acting anti-social at times (as a 3 1/2 year old), and because he started becoming very resistant to some of the homeschooling activities we were doing at home. He started in mid-October going Tuesdays & Thursdays from 9:30 am to 1:30 pm. For the first few weeks, he really enjoyed it, and he started acting better at home as well.

Unfortunately, somewhere in mid-November, he and his teacher started misunderstanding each other. Caleb is slow to transition and also processes directions more slowly than many children. This was causing him a problem at school because he would respond/transition slowly and the teacher would get frustrated with him. Eventually, he got it fixed in his head that the teacher couldn't be pleased, and he quit trying to cooperate. I didn't realize that all this was going on, because Caleb just stopped talking about school. Caleb is not a talkative child, and I chalked up his silence about school to his normal reticence about many things. Then, in January, I spoke to his teacher about another matter, and she told me that he had been acting out in class since mid-November. (That sounds like a really long time, but we are only talking about 6 or 7 half-days in school, since he was only going twice a week). Nevertheless, I was chagrinned to be hearing that this had been an ongoing problem, one I wished I'd had the opportunity to address when it first started. That day in January, I spoke with Caleb about his behavior at school. Through our conversation, I began to understand what had happened in his relationship with his teacher. He told me that she tells him to do too many things too fast and he can't remember them, and then she gets mad at him. He also kept repeating that she didn't like him because he wasn't a good boy like Shep or Matthew or whoever. He was absolutely convinced that he was incapable of pleasing her.

In an ultimately successful attempt to turn this train around, I had a long phone conversation with his teacher. I shared with her that Caleb processes things a little more slowly than some other kids, and that, as a result, he had gotten it into his head that she didn't like him. We collaborated on a plan to change his perception. Every day at school, his teacher made an extra effort to be sure he understood each instruction that was given, as well as to praise him for his successes. Then she filled out a little check sheet that I made, indicating to me that he was cooperative, positive, and helpful each day. When he brought home a check sheet full of "yes's" to me, he received a reward. Within two weeks (four days of school), his behavior had completely changed. His teacher called me with a glowing report of a what a bright, helpful, cooperative child he was. We soon abandoned the check sheets, and he started chatting cheerfully about school once again.

For the remainder of the school year, I called his teacher every few weeks to make sure everything was still going well. She continued to give me glowing reports. I do very much regret that Caleb spent almost two months feeling like a "bad kid" at school before I realized what was going on, and I will take from this experience that silence about school is a bad thing, and not calling the teacher because I don't want to bother her is not doing anybody any favors.

Caleb finished out the school year a few weeks ago, and he still asks me several times a week when school will start again. And, thanks to the generosity of his Nanna and Papa, I can tell him that he will be able to go back to school in the fall to attend K4 four mornings a week!

School Program

Caleb recently performed in his second little school program, and it went much better than the Christmas program a few months ago. During the Christmas program, he just stood there looking stage struck while everyone else sang. This time, he was very into the songs and enthusiastic with his hand motions. The whole thing would have gone off without a hitch (and how boring would that be), except that, about ten minutes into the fifteen-minute performance, Caleb noticed that a live video of the group was being projected onto a screen behind them. He craned his neck around to watch the video for a minute, and then prodded the girl next to him to look at it, too. Soon, the whole group was turning around to watch themselves on the video. The audience was cracking up as kids abandoned their exuberant singing to turn and wave at themselves on screen. The music teacher was able to recover most of the group for the final song, but Caleb and a few others just couldn't tear their eyes off that screen.

Easter Egg Hunts

The boys got to go to two Easter Egg Hunts this year (excluding the one that crashed their birthday party :). The first was at church last Wednesday night. They were only allowed to get twelve eggs each at this hunt, so I had to pare down Caleb's stash and re-hide some eggs. Ethan, for once acting like a typical 2-year-old, was very laid-back about the whole egg-collecting thing. He just sort of wandered to and fro, picking up an egg when it was lying in his path, but without any focus or drive. He was also easily distracted by sitting down and opening the eggs he had already collected.

The group picture below was taken at our second Easter Egg Hunt. It was a gathering of the two small groups that were created when our original small group divided into two back in January. It was a lot of fun to have everyone together again, and to watch all sixteen of our kids playing with each other in the Pollard's backyard. Caleb held his own in the mad rush of egg hunting; Ethan, on the other hand, must have decided that the first egg hunt was enough frenetic activity for him, because at the second one, he picked up five eggs and then sat down to eat the candy inside.

Oh yeah, as you can see from the final picture, Ethan was NOT a big fan of having his picture taken with the Easter Bunny :)

Summer Break

Since I posted the details about my homeschooling routine in May, I feel like I should also let you all know that we have not maintained our schedule at all this summer. I decided in early June to take all of June & July off of our routine, partly due to VBS and vacation, but mostly just because both I and the kids needed a break. Since June 1st, we have been going on play dates and/or outings every morning and then just playing outside after naps. We go to the zoo and the science center every week, and sometimes twice a week. We also go to friend's houses and have friends over here. Both kids are loving all this extra social time, as am I (of course).

I'm really enjoying this change of pace, though I can see that the lack of structure is causing the boys to annoy each other more quickly when we are at home, and I'm regularly frustrated by the fact that "free play" for boys is more often destructive than not. All in all though, I think it is good for them to entertain themselves a little more and to work out some conflict with minimal instruction/interference. Like everything else in life, all things in moderation is the best way to go, and I have no doubt I will dive back into homeschooling with new energy and ideas as soon as August rolls around.

Homeschooling--Part 2

In response to the comment on my "Homeschooling" post from a Mommy in California: "How do you get housework done?"

Before Ethan was born, I had no problem getting housework done because Caleb took a long afternoon nap every day and also went to bed at 7:00 pm every night. Then for the first couple of months after Ethan's arrival, I didn't do much in the house at all. One year ago, when Ethan was 2-months-old, we moved into a new house. At that time, I set up the cleaning rotation that I am still using now: I do one “major” housework item during naps every day…Monday is trash & dusting, Tuesday is cleaning all floors, Wed is deep-clean kitchen, Thu is bathrooms, Fri is laundry, and then I alternate through other needed jobs on the weekend. I also frequently get Caleb set up doing something like playing with play dough and then load the dishwasher or get the mail while he is playing. Grocery shopping, play dates, library trips and other errands are done in the morning during the hour or two before lunch, and I try not to go more than one place in a day. I do most of dinner preparation during afternoon nap and just add the heat before Daddy comes home. Cleaning up is done all throughout the day, because I'm the kind of person who is perpetually putting things away as I move through the house.

I shower and get ready for the day during Ethan’s morning nap while Caleb is watching his daily TV. And I usually have time either to lay down or read for about 30 minutes during afternoon naps as well. Also, we usually clean up the stuff from one activity before going to the next, and Caleb has to help. I do dinner dishes while Daddy is giving the boys their bath. No one attempts to straighten up the play room until just before Caleb goes to bed, and sometimes we just go to bed and leave all the toys out.

The only thing I feel bad about is that Ethan is just sort of absorbing things and is not being directly interacted with as much as I would like. The other downside is that my house is never completely clean (by nature of the rotation), but it is also never completely a mess :)

Thanks for your interest, Jessica!

Homeschooling

Those of you who know me well know that I have always been a big fan of homeschooling. I have known so many homeschooled kids who were mature beyond their years, well-grounded in their faith, and only minimally influenced by popular culture (even during their teenage years). On the other hand, Marcus has not known many homeschooling families and does not have strong feelings one way or the other. So we are both keeping an open mind, watching Caleb and Ethan, and regularly re-evaluating what type of education will be best for them. The decision for kindergarten will be largely based on what school options we have for Caleb, and the learning preferences and social needs that we observe in him at that time.

All that being said, I am a teacher at heart, and I have been "homeschooling" Caleb for over a year now. Each month, I make up a curriculum (adapted from the previous month). It is actually more a "play guide" than an academic curriculum, but it is very helpful to me because it helps me keep our play focused on constructive, learning-oriented activities. The frequent transitions helps avoid monotony, though I never interupt one thing to start another. When one activity is losing momentum, whether it's been 10 minutes or 45 minutes, I let that come to a close and we start something different. I check off everything we get to each day, though frequently a play date or an extra outing will cause us to skip one or two items each day. I stay very flexible with the routine, and we never follow the exact order all day. Everything is geared toward Caleb, but Ethan participates as much as he can, because he wants to do anything that Caleb is doing. (All of the below is in table form on my play room wall, but blogger won't take tables so it's in a list here.)

7:00 Devotional & Breakfast (read a Bible story, pray and practice memory verse)
7:30 Imaginary Play (story game, role playing with people/figurines)
8:00 ABC’s and Numbers (identify, count/sort items, phonics)
8:30 Critical Thinking (puzzles, board game, card game, science experiment)
9:00 Educational TV (Caleb watch video, often in Spanish; Ethan naps)

9:30 Creative Time (draw, color, paint, play dough, cut & glue paper)
10:00 Music (sing songs, listen to music, play toy instruments)

10:30 Read Books (3-5 picture books)
11:00 Errands & Lunch
1:00 Nap & Post-nap Snack
4:00 Outside Recreation (ride bike, walk, tumble, jump, dance, play outside)
4:30 Sports (throw, catch, kick, score goals, dribble, shoot, bat)

5:30 Dinner & Bath
6:30 Build w/ Daddy (Tinker Toys, train set, Duplos, blocks)
7:30 Help With a Chore (pick up toys, load dishwasher, cooking w/ Mama)

8:00 Books & Bedtime

I'm recording this for my own family record, and also in case any of you out there have a 3-year-old who you are trying to "homeschool" :) By the way, Mimi, that is a Highlights magazine that Caleb is looking at in the picture. He LOVES those things, and we read the whole thing from cover to cover every day for at least a week after it comes. Final disclaimer: you all should know that this whole thing went out the window for about three months after Ethan was born.

Mothers Day Out, Preschool, Daycare...

So it's late January and Caleb will be three-years-old in two short months. Ever since we moved to Birmingham 7 months ago, people have been asking me where Caleb goes to "school". At first I explained that I didn't work, thinking they were asking about daycare. When it became clear that my explanation was not making sense, I assumed that they had grossly misjudged Caleb's age, and went on to explain that he was only two-years-old. I still got blank looks. It took several of these interactions for me to realize that here in Birmingham, EVERYONE, stay-at-home moms included, sends their kids to full or part time preschool starting between 18 months and 2 1/2 years. From what I can gather, preschool, unlike daycare, lasts from 9:00/9:30 am until 1:00/1:30 pm. The pattern seems to go something like this: 2 days a week at age 2; 3 days a week at age 3; and then 5 days a week until kindergarten. In Gainesville, no stay-at-home mom that I knew sent their children to preschool. Occasionally I would hear a working mom say something like "I picked [my two-year-old] up from school" and I would chuckle inside at the euphemistic use of "school" for "daycare". It wasn't until I was asked literally DOZENS of times here in Birmingham, "So where does Caleb go to school?" that I began to realize the cultural difference.

I still haven't gained a complete understanding of the preschool thing, but the best I can tell, the parental motivation is a combination of three things:
(1) To socialize their toddlers in a classroom setting.
(2) To allow the children to "get ahead" a little and be well-prepared for kindergarten.
(3) To give themselves some time during the week to run errands and get things done.

Now these all seem like reasonable things, and so I have turned the idea over in my mind many times for the past eight months. (The extra consideration it has recieved is largely due to the shocked look on the other mother's face when I finally get it across to her that Caleb is not in any sort of preschool program.) Here are my conclusions so far:

(1) Socialization: Caleb is with other children in church for an hour or two every week. We also attend a playgroup of some sort at least once a week. And we also have six other kids age 2-4 in our home during our church life group meeting every week. Plus, Caleb regularly plays with other kids at parks, at the gym, and in his gymnastics class. This seems to me to be an adequate amount of social time, and I even prefer the fact that Marcus or I am present during many of these activities so we can teach and reinforce positive social interactions.

(2) Getting Ahead: As I have explored the idea of preschool, I have visited and called several locations. I have looked at different preschool curriculums and been unimpressed by the content. Everything I've seen in the written curriculums is something that Caleb has already mastered and that we review in various ways at home and in our play. In fact I haven't seen a 3-year-old curriculum (in my local search) that includes anything beyond letter-recognition (and mostly not even that). Like many children his age, Caleb has known his capitals for months and is now learning lower case, practicing phonetic sounds, and learning how to write a few capital letters. (Brag moment: he can write A, M, V, O, T and X). Though I see the value in reinforcing color, number and letter recognition, I do not see any advantage to doing that in a preschool setting vs. what occurs in the natural parent-child interaction of a home setting.

(3) Break Time: Though I can definitely identify with the convenience of having 8-12 hours a week with only a baby vs. a preschooler and a baby, I'm not convinced that it is advantageous overall. I'm very practical about things like this, so this is how I see it. I have the boys on my own for about 60 hours a week (6 am to 6 pm, M-F). On average, Caleb naps for a total of about 12 hours during that time. So that leaves me with 48 hours each week. A preschool program would have him for 8-12 hours a week, which is 15% to 25% of my total "work week". Seems a little excessive for a break. Also, I lose all of those hours with Caleb, during which I could have been continuing to teach him the things that most matter to me: showing kindness to Ethan, helping with chores around the house, praying through moments of frustration, etc. Plus, I think it is good for him to go on errands with me and learn to wait patiently in the checkout. I think I already messed things up a bit with him by avoiding doing chores or anything else while he was awake during his first 18-months of life, hence giving him the impression that life revolves around him and everyone should do whatever he wants to do at the moment. We are slowly rectifying that now, but I think part of that correction is having him participate in the not-fun things as well as the things he enjoys.

Well, these are my thoughts and the summation of why I have not yet attempted to carve out the $125-$200 a month for 2-day-a-week preschool, even with the fall registration deadlines of mid-February fast-approaching. Regardless, I am blogging about it today because, clearly, everyone I've talked to around here thinks that I am costing Caleb something significant by depriving him of the preschool experience. If any of you have more insight into this than what I have surmised, I would enjoy your input. Or if any of you have come to the same conclusion as me, I could always use a little reinforcement from my all-over-the-country friends, since my Birmingham friends seem to be all of one mind.