Just Spit It Out

I'm usually a very expressive and sometimes even outspoken person, but there are times when I'm just as tongue-tied as can be. It seems like this tongue-tied state overtakes me when I have something that I really want to say, but am not confident that I will be understood. For example, there have been a number of times in my life that a person has had a significant impact on me, and I wanted that person to know how God has used them in my life, but I get all tongue-tied when I have the chance to talk about it. A couple of times, I have written a letter, but a letter seems so serious and formal, and I'm always afraid that my words will not be adequate. (I should just realize that of course they won't be adequate and get over it.) I guess the point of this blog entry is to encourage my readers (and myself) to just "spit it out" and tell the people around you how they have inspired you, even if you don't do it perfectly. (You probably shouldn't follow this advice if the person inspired you by showing you what you didn't want to be like.) Seriously, we all need to hear that the efforts we make to serve the Lord and serve each other are helpful to the people around us.

So now I'm going to follow my own advice and write about my friend, Lauren, who is one of the people who has had a significant impact on me. Lauren and I became friends when Marcus and I moved to Florida in the summer of 2003. That fall, she and I both started trying to get pregnant for the first time. It happened immediately for her and Danny, but it took us another two years, so Lauren became a mother two years before I did. My observation of her interactions with Carson as a baby and toddler laid the groundwork for the kind of mother I would become. She was extremely attentive to Carson, from infancy on. Even when spending time with friends, she made it clear by her actions that Carson's needs, physical and emotional, were a priority. I respected that because I had seen other parents consistently ignore their children in social situations. It doesn't take long for kids to pick up on that and take advantage of the "permissive window." Even when Carson was just a toddler, Lauren spoke to him as if he were a much older child, and as a result, he understood (and obeyed) more than most children his age. She took all of his little communications very seriously, from baby sign language to his first little sentences. She held a high standard for his behavior, and began teaching him about being kind to others even before he could talk. She often put aside what she was doing when a teachable moment presented itself. Until her second child was born, I never saw Lauren deny Carson a request to play with him or read to him. By her constant availability, she communicated to him that he was an extremely important and valuable part of her life...never an inconvenience. When Carson's sister, Kennedy, was born, Lauren struggled (like every young mother) with balancing the needs of two young children, but even this she weathered with grace. Now her children are ages five and three, and the she's expecting her third this fall. I have no doubt that she will continue teaching her children that they are loved, respected and cherished by her example; I also have no doubt that she will continue teaching the young mothers around her what it means to lay aside their own lives and desires to nurture love and self-control in the hearts of their children.

Thank you is insufficient for the way God used you in my life, my friend. And I know that you, like others in my life, had no idea what an impact you have made, because I was always too tongue-tied to start telling you :)

Good one, Daddy!

Caleb has had a few days of pushing my limits. Part of it is because Marcus has been working so many hours the past few weeks, and the other part is just being a little boy. Anyway, I have been frustrated with his nonchalant disobedience, and have been running a little low on creative and effective consequences. We do spank Caleb, but on days like we've been having, spanking for every act of disobedience or unkindness would be excessive.

At the end of this particular day, Caleb had been sent to time out multiple times, spanked and even lost the privilege of an errand he wanted to go on. When Marcus got home around 7:30 pm, I was at my limit of disciplinary resources. Caleb was trying Marcus about something, and Marcus told him, "Caleb, if you do that again, I'm not going to let you pretend to be Peter Pan anymore until tomorrow." Caleb, the child who rarely even cries when spanked, BURST into tears. He can take a lot of abuse from other kids and his own brother before he is moved to tears, but he LOST IT when Daddy threatened to take away his favorite pretending game. Since October of last year, when he first watched the animated Disney movie Peter Pan, pretending to be Peter Pan has been a daily pasttime. (In case you're not doing the math, that's a full nine months of playing Peter Pan.) The funniest part of this consequence is Caleb's complete belief in our omnipotence. It didn't even occur to him that we can't keep him from pretending whatever he wants (though I'm sure that he will eventually figure that out). Well, Daddy the genius figured out how to hit Caleb right where it hurt, and we all reaped the benefits of his much-improved attitude.

Potty Training

I just looked back at Caleb's journal to check my dates, so here's the scoop on Caleb's potty training. A year ago, when Caleb was almost 2-and-a-half-years-old, we started potty training. It started out strong. We used a potty chart with stickers and the reward for each success was five minutes with a special toy, reserved only for these occasions. (I liked this reward better than candy.) After about a month, he was down to about one accident a day.

But then we went on a long weekend trip, put him in Pull-ups for the weekend, and had a total relapse. I don't think that we could have avoided the relapse without the trip, but the trip definitely facilitated it. Caleb was getting bored with the effort required of him to consistently go in the potty, and I think that he would have relapsed trip or no trip. Regardless, from this point on, it was a slow process. It took us another four months to completely recover the ground we'd lost. But by the end of January, 2 months before his 3rd birthday and 5 months after the start of potty training, he was wearing underwear all the time (except for sleeping), and most days and even weeks were accident-free. We considered Caleb to be potty-trained at this point, though it would be several more months before he would consistently poop in the potty. The main reason for this delay was simply that he only poops once or twice a week, so he had fewer opportunities to practice, as well as to get into a routine.

At this point, almost a full year after taking-on potty training, Caleb often doesn't even tell us that he has to go. He just goes upstairs, pulls his pants down, goes, flushes, pulls his pants up, and comes down. The only reason I know that he has gone is that he asks me to button his pants when he comes back down. I never remind him to go unless we're going to be out for a while and it will be inconvenient to find a bathroom. Unless he has had a lot to drink, he can usually hold it for up to four hours during the day.

This past week, we took what we think is the final step in the potty-training process. Caleb is now napping and sleeping at night in his underwear instead of a Pull-up. Prior to the switch, he had been waking up with a dry Pull-up about half the time. I think sometimes he was wet because he knew he was wearing a Pull-up, so he chose to urinate before getting out of bed. I decided that the only thing that will stop this is actually wetting his bed a time or two, since he does not like the sensation of wet pants/bedding. It's been four days since we stopped using Pull-ups, and he is still waking up dry about half the time. Either that will improve, or I'll get tired of washing bedding and put him back in Pull-ups at night :)

The only thing that is still frustrating us is the accidents he has when we're in a hectic environment. He goes weeks and weeks without an accident, but when he does have one, it is guaranteed to be when there is a lot going on, and usually when we're out (like in the middle of a friend's living room). If any of you have an older child and you can give me an idea of when these activity-induced accidents might end, I'm all ears :)

Ethan (Monthly Update)

Ethan is 16-months-old today, and boy is he ever a hoot! He still loves to eat, though he is slightly more discriminating than he was a few months ago. I think this is mostly because his vocabulary and long-term memory have enlarged and so now he can remember what is in the fridge and pantry and ask for it by name. I don't give him everything he asks for, but it is harder to deny him now that he can ask specifically (with a huge smile), instead of just crying and flailing. He still refuses to say "Please" and "Thankyou", despite the fact that he has over 100 words in his vocabulary. Every time we ask him to try, all we get is a head shake and "no". It really boggles my mind. He will attempt almost any word that we suggest except these two. It's like in a weird way that he knows these words will be constantly required once he can say them. Maybe he hears us reminding Caleb all the time, and he just doesn't want to go down that road. As smart as he is, I'm not convinced that he has that much insight at this age, so I guess I'll just keep wondering why he's holding out on us.

He still tries with dogged tenacity to do EVERYTHING that Caleb is doing. And he won't consent to a parallel activity. Today, Caleb was putting together a 48-piece puzzle, and I was trying to get Ethan to do one of the baby puzzles with me, right beside Caleb's puzzle. Ethan would have none of it. He flung each baby piece I handed him across the room and used all of his strength to pull, push and wiggle past me so he could get to Caleb's puzzle. It wouldn't be so bad if he would just sit quietly holding a couple of pieces, but he wants to dominate the entire activity. He insists on sitting in the middle of the puzzle and holding at least ten pieces in his lap (that Caleb dare not touch without extracting a scream). And it's like this with any activity: if we're reading, Ethan insists on turning all of the pages, whenever he pleases, regardless of what words have been read (or not read). It would be fine if he would look at a book by himself (at his own pace) and let me read to Caleb, but if I am reading to Caleb, then that book is the book that Ethan thinks he absolutely must have. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't give into all of these demands, or even half of them, but they are present regardless, and the clamoring and protests make many preschool activities challenging. On the bright side, he is able to participate in many more activities than he was a few months ago, so play dough, coloring, sports, role-playing and music time are now enjoyable for all three of us.

Developmentally, Ethan is on track. He is stacking blocks (no more than 3), running, walking backwards, kicking and throwing balls, taking his shorts and shoes off, handling the steps on his own (up and down), using a spoon and fork well, naming or pointing at his body parts, and following all kinds of instructions (when he feels like it). He's also been making some valiant efforts to start jumping. He bends his knees and does a jumping motion, but his feet aren't leaving the ground yet. I remember Caleb doing that, so I know it won't be much longer until he gains some air. Ethan's verbal skills are in great shape. He combines two words several times a day, and he's even come up with a few 4 or 5 word sentences. This afternoon, Caleb was doing some "real cool jumps" (Caleb's description) from couch to couch, and I would tell him "Good job, Caleb!" after each jump. Next thing I know, Ethan busts out with a clear-as-day "Good job, Bubba!" (He always calls Caleb "Bubba".) Ethan often says things like "I wan dat!" and "Dat my ball!" and "Wan my mama!" If you are wondering about all the exclamation points, it's just that everything Ethan says needs an exclamation point because he says everything with intense urgency.

He's our precious little guy, and I'm glad he's getting a post all his own, because he hasn't had as many of those as Caleb has.

Girls' Night

The families in our church small group have decided to take turns having a girls' or guys' night out. For the guys night out last month, Marcus planned a full night. They met for bowling at 5:00 pm, then went to a baseball game at 7:00, and then to a late movie after the game. Marcus got home sometime after midnight (I was asleep), fully satisfied with his 7-hour guys' night out.

The first weekend in August was the girls' turn, and so we did ours this past Saturday. Unlike the guys, who had planned several activities, the five of us just wanted to talk. So we met at a Thai restaurant/sushi bar at 6:00, ate a leisurely dinner, and then went to one of the girl's houses to chat. (Her husband was very obliging and went down to the basement to play video games after he put the kids to bed.) We had a movie to watch, but we had so much fun visiting that we never put it in. I had not been to a girls' night out since we moved to Birmingham, and boy did I have fun! We played a game called "I Never...", which produced a lot of hilarious stories. We laughed so much that I'm pretty sure I burned off most of my dinner just laughing. When we were just about laughed out, the conversation turned more serious and we shared some of our struggles, fears and insecurities. There is something so cathartic about opening your heart to caring and trustworthy ears. It is encouraging to be reminded that others have walked the same path as I have at different points in their lives, and to hear how God has guided them.

I often poke fun at myself on this blog (and elsewhere) for being so emotional; but on nights like this Saturday, I'm actually grateful for my vast capacity to feel. My heart is full of love for these girls who have become so dear to me, and I'm so glad I had this opportunity to express it. We talked until we couldn't keep our eyes open, and I finally headed home a little after midnight. I think Marcus was a little surprised when I told him we hadn't done anything after dinner except talk for five hours. He probably thinks I need to get out without the kids more :)