I Need Some Grace

On Saturday night, Marcus and I hosted a party for the residents in Marcus's radiation oncology program. Among the seven families that attended, two others had children, making a total of six preschool children there. Now, up until the party, it had been a rather hectic day. Marcus had been at work writing a paper all day (until about 30 minutes before the party), so I had the kids at home while trying to keep the house clean and cook 4 dishes for the party. It didn't help that Caleb wet his pants (first time in weeks!) in the middle of the freshly-mopped kitchen floor about five minutes before the guests began arriving.

Anyway, Caleb started the evening out on the wrong foot because he felt bad about wetting his pants, and his negative feelings intensified when unfamiliar kids descended onto his playroom and began playing with all of his toys. All kids have different ways of coping when they feel overwhelmed or frustrated. Some cling, some throw fits, and some get physical. Caleb does all of these things at times, but his preferred method of working out that negative energy is to annoy other kids. It sounds weird, but it is absolutely true. When he is out of sorts, he slyly and effectively pushes the buttons of whoever is available. It's usually his little brother, but if we are in a group setting, anyone will do. If two little girls are playing with some animals, he will watch and wait until one pivotal animal is laid down for a moment, and then he will swoop in, snatch the animal, and immediately relocate to another part of the room where he feigns aloofness while the crying ensues. If an adult observes this exchange and questions him, he quickly justifies his own action by saying "I just picked up that animal and they started crying!" This is a very difficult vice to discipline (which is probably the reason he has developed it), because it is all based in his intention. If I don't see what has happened, I just have to make a call on whether or not I think he was trying to upset someone with his action.

Anyway, back to the party. Caleb was out of sorts, and I watched him three different times successfully execute one his little "I-know-how-to-drive-you-crazy" plans. Each time, I sent him to his room for five minutes and talked to him about being kind to others and making guests in our home feel welcome and happy. Each time, he was verbally repentant and determined to "be kind to e'ryone now". After the third strike, which happened to be the unpardonable sin of drinking some water from his cup and then spitting it at a 5-year-old little girl, he was sent to his room for the duration of the party. There are no toys in his bedroom, only books. After he tired of looking at those, he lay on his bed staring at the ceiling for a long time.

About 45 minutes into his room-bound "sentence", I heard him calling to me, so I went upstairs to talk to him. He looked at me very seriously across the gate in his doorway and said, "Mama, I think I need some grace." Now, I have explained to him before that grace is getting something good that you don't deserve instead of the consequence that you do deserve, but he has never before used the word independently, and certainly not to get out of a punishment. I was very impressed. I talked to him a little more and he very sincerely told me that he had been thinking about how God wants him to be kind and he wanted to go downstairs and be kind to his friends. Who could resist this kind of talk from a 3-year-old! So I extended grace to him and let him go downstairs, where he behaved impeccably for the remaining hour of the party. Now, for the sake of honesty, I do have to admit that when I told Marcus the story, he reminded me that the 5-year-old girl who he had so grossly offended was named Grace, so maybe Caleb had said something about her that I misunderstood. While I see that this is possible, I truly think I heard him correctly. Besides, I do not even think that he knew the little girl's name. Either way, his serious manner and subsequent behavior confirmed to me that he'd been doing some serious thinking, and I think some grace was definitely in order :)

Saturday
Kix cereal
Watermelon
Deli turkey meat
Blueberries
Party fingerfoods for dinner (at the party)