Seasons

I love, love, love living in a place that has seasons. During the five years of living in the fairly static climate of Florida, I had almost forgotten the stunning beauty of the changing landscape. Since we moved to Birmingham nine months ago, I've watched the summer flowers bloom, the leaves change colors and fall, snow blanket the leafless trees and ground, and now the leaves budding and spring flowers blooming. Marcus has asked me several times what I love so much about the changing seasons (since I rave about it all the time), and I think this is a big part of my reason: to me, watching all of nature move collectively in a certain direction is a powerful, poignant reminder that God is not only present, but actively directing the world around us.

Perhaps it is because of the seasons and the beauty of the land here, or perhaps it has more to do with the Spirit-filled church that has been the place of so much inspiriation, encouragment and conviction for Marcus and me, but this past nine months has been such a time of closeness with the Lord. I have learned to trust Him and love Him more than I ever imagined possible. He has freed my heart from so many weights. He still has so much more work to do, but the miracles he has done give me so much hope for the future.

At the age of 29, I look back and am aware of two other times of great peace and spiritual growth. One was as a young teen, and the other was my junior year in college. Both times preceeded major challenges/changes (to me those things are synonymous) in my life. I don't know if the Lord is using this current period of peace, joy and growth to prepare me for a significant change in the near future, but the glory of it is that I am only a little frightened by that thought...not terrified as I would have been nine months ago. When I was a teenager, I learned to trust God with my own life, whatever that meant and wherever he lead me. As a college student, I learned to trust him with my relationships, and with the love that I had for a certain young man who would become my husband. Now, God is teaching me the most difficult lesson so far: how to trust him with the lives of my children. Particularly their health, both physical and spiritual. I've known with my mind since that first positive pregnancy test that my children belong to the Lord and I am simply a tool in their lives as they live out their own story with Him. But I have often believed the lie that my own weaknesses and failures will exclusively define their relationship with God, and endured much guilt on that account. I have also believed the lie that it is solely my responsibility (and therefore possible) to protect them from harm. God is chiseling away at these lies and teaching me to daily turn Caleb and Ethan over to him. I have a feeling this lesson will take much longer than the other two, and I may still be struggling with it for many years to come. Even if that is so, every inch that I can move closer to Him is worth the struggle.

God has been so very very good to me and to my family, and I want to publically praise him for what he has done. He has provided for all of our needs: physical, emotional and spiritual, and he has given much more peace and joy than we deserve. I didn't realize it until yesterday, but apparently I've been singing the song "God Has Smiled On Me" to myself so frequently that Caleb has silently absorbed it. Yesterday, I was doing the dishes while Caleb and Ethan were having a snack at the kitchen bar and Caleb chimed in with me!